Hairstyle

Day 57/365

Dear: Allison
   
     You may be 8 years old and old enough to do your own hair, but I love that you still come to me to fix it up nice. I know today was a bad day for you and I know this before you told me because you asked for me to do put your hair in your sideways braid. I knew this because when your day is tough you like to spend those extra minutes with me playing softly with your hair while we talk about your day. I cherish all the moments like this with you, and hope that even when you are 25 you will still come to me to play and with your hair to make you feel better!

XOXO
Mom

Baby Face

   Day 56/365

Dear Lucas, 

     

     Today I choose to photograph your little baby face while we had an after sucker bath today! I choose you simply because we are now 2 weeks away from your birthday.

          The days seem to be growing shorter even though we are coming up on spring, the should be getting longer. But I find myself not ready for each night to come to an end, not ready to put you to bed. 12 more days till you become a toddler, 12 more days till a baby you are no longer. I know your ready, I can see it in the way you try and do big boys things that babies can't do, like the excitement you get when you accomplish walking across the room. I am going to miss this baby face the most, Those big fat chubby cheeks, and I am sorry for kissing them so much, but better now then when your 30. I will miss those big gorgeous eyes framed with those eyelashes always looking to me for everything. I will miss you bugger nose and how you fight me to wipe it clean, and of course your drooling mouth. But then something deep down inside me reminds me that even when I look at you after you are all grown up, I will still see this little baby face. 

XOXO
Mom

1+1=2

            "Everyone relationship starts out with a LOVE Story"


     I know, I know like today is not full of enough posts and blogs about LOVE, well tough I am writing 1 more for you to look at! If you like a good story and want to learn a little bit about me then stay and read, if  you just can't take one more Valentine's day post then move along because this is going to be jammed pack with LOVE & Adventure!


     I challenge  you to take 5 maybe 10 minutes today and write out your "Love Story" you know what I mean the story about how you became 2 instead of 1, we all have one and even if you think your story is boring and normal I say still write it out, It will mean so much more to you as you grow older and have it to look back on when every memory might not be fresh in your mind. It is simple I will walk you through it. Your story will have a few main parts, and when put together makes it the perfect story.
Here is mine: sit back with your coffee/ tea and enjoy!

                            "Run Away Lovers"

     Love the title, but no word of lie that was what people were calling us, people we didn't even know were calling us this, and people we didn't even know were hearing and spreading our story around. We were somewhat famous from Ontario all the way to Alberta. We were the Run Away Lover. I will get to how we got that name in a minute but there is some stuff we had to lay on the table first!

     What come first your wondering, Well the moment you first saw them of course! That moment your eyes first locked with theirs. That is part one. I remember mine! A friend and I were at his work visiting one of his coworkers who we really wanted to help us design the year book cover ( yes we were high school) We were drawing idea's on the white board while other guys were looking through the old year books trying to find their old high school selves. Then I saw him, First thing I noticed those light blue eyes! then he walked over and pointed to himself and said "hey that's me" second thing I noticed those dimples that framed the best smile I had seen on a man in long time! The smile that would one day be the same as my second born. Then he just walked away, back to work, because he was not the guy to stand around and chit chat. First thing I said "Who was that" and I of course got told to Duh look at the photo he pointed at. I left there that day determined to find out every thing I could about him.My brother and half my friends worked with him him so it was not hard. 

      Now for Part 2, the first date. I got my information and were that lead funny enough was me calling him (at work) and asking him on a double date, invited him to come out with My Friend, My brother ( totally weird btw) and I. We went bowling and My brother invited his friend and girlfriend, then at last minute my yearbook friend and the guy we went to go see joined our little group. Our group of 4 turned to 8 and bowling became boys against girls! night went great... the worst part about it though was my brother came with his friend and the girl he brought came with our other 2 last minute joins, just so I could get picked up by him. but on the way home my brother though it would be more convenient to just ride home with us. Nothing like feeling awkward then driving home from a first date sandwiched in a small Ford Ranger between your date and your brother, while your date had to change gears in between your legs.... Horriable. Awww and you think the night would end leading into the first kiss....WRONG, My brother decides maybe this would be a good time to exit the vehicle and then stand on the front porch watching us, waiting for me to get out of the truck. Now my date is a really really really shy guy, so no first kiss that night, but we got the first date checked off the list.

       Well we have our first meeting, our first date, and now its time for the first Kiss, which is the 3rd part to a love story. We had another mutual friend, we seem to have a few of those. These mutual friends and I decided to meet up with him at a Halloween dance. My perfect Halloween costume choice was an Angel. We got all dressed up and ready to go, but of course we were late and by the time we got there it was coming up on the last slow dance. Seeing as he was so shy I practically had to ask him to dance but we made it up there for last one. The song was Amazed by Lonestar, Of course it was that song that was really over played in those days. We danced looking pretty funny, me as an Angel and him dressed up like a town bum. but we danced that was all I cared about. Then he walked me to my ride, were my friend and his girlfriend were waiting. We said our goodbyes and then it happened. Our first kiss, how many guys can say their first kiss was literally with an Angel. The part I loved the best was after the kiss and as he walked away he held my hand to the very last second, you know the kind of stuff that you see happen in movies. I went home that night feeling very much like and Angel, for I believe I had my first cloud 9 experience.

     Well from here our story takes a sad turn of events. We went on one more date, our last one. It lasted with us staying up all night talking and him driving me to work earlier if the morning just early enough for me to show up at he dinner with all his work friends in there for breakfast. Of course then I had to come serve them their breakfast full of 1000 questions and teasing remarks. 
But that was our last date, he left saying I was just too young to date ( I was 16 he was 21) 
I left him he was crazy to ignore our connection.

     2 long years went before I was about to make it to the next key part of a love story. The day you become 2. I did not see him for those whole 2 years, I had dated someone else in between there, but always remembered him, he was hard to forget. Then one night we found ourselves at another mutual friends house having drinks, we once again stayed up all night long drinking and talking. We were celebrating early for the next day was St. Patrick's Day, and seeing as he was Irish he seemed to think that gave him a pass to be drunk for 3 days straight. So that morning when he announced that this time he was not going to let me get away, I was a tad bit worried it was the whiskey talking. Best St. Patrick's Day ever, the day I caught myself a little Irish man, and I vowed to never let him go. 

    Now I hope by now you see some of the key components to your Love  story. The meeting, the date, the kiss, the becoming a couple. Now your story might not go in that order, but you more than likely had those things happen at some point.But now for the best part to your Love story. The first Adventure together as a couple. For some it might be your first vacation together, your first camping trip, your first time moving in together. Mine, well mine ended up giving us the nick name "Run Away Lovers"
    
     You see we moved in together with friends were we spent 3 weeks getting to know each other and then finding a place of our own to live ( Oh my gosh what I put my parents through living with him already). Then one night while we had all our stuff pack and waiting we still had no place to live. This is when maybe the worst or best idea came into our heads. We were going to pack up the car and drive across Canada to go live in Alberta. He had friends there, and we both were craving an adventure. We spent all night packing the car and then went to bed. The next day we woke up had breakfast with our roommates as usually. then announced that we were going to do our laundry grabbed our laundry baskets we had all ready and out the door we walked. 
 In the car we took one last look back and off we drove. After about 2 hours of driving we saw a big sign saying "Turn Back" but we didn't and from that point on we know we were really doing this we were really leaving our friends and our families without telling a single soul that we were going!
     
     We drove and got a hotel after the first night, then woke up and drove some more. We decided we would not call home until we were far enough away that we could not be talked into going back home. We made it over 12 hours away from home and then got a room and started to make our phone calls. We probably should of let people know, our poor roommates had no idea what happened to us and were a little worried, and my mother vowed to never speak to me again unless I decided to come back home! that was the longest night of our trip across Canada. By the third night we made it all the way to just outside the Ontario Manitoba border, and called a friend who had just moved there to live with his Mom and step dad. We got to their house and they already know our story all about how we had run away. We made our introductions only to then be asked who my Dad was. His parents were first from our area too growing up. I told him my Dad's name, well he let out one of the biggest laughs I have ever heard. He said well when your Dad was your age he was sitting beside me in a transport truck driving across Canada. Then he asked me my number and called my Dad. His first words were "Hello there are you missing something?" and from there they talked and from that moment on my Dad was fine with the idea that I too was now driving across Canada. From there we stopped and spent a night in each province. We had a night in St. Malo Manitoba, a night in Swift Current Saskatchewan. Then we drove into Alberta stopped at a gas station and called our friend only to find out we stopped within walking distance to his house. 
     
       There we lived for a while, in a house with our friend and 3 other guys. We got jobs and after a while found a place of our own and  just lived life. On weekends we would go out driving and exploring and during the week we would work. I got a new job as a Head Housekeeper on a Ranch resort and he got a job working the rigs. I ended up not seeing him much he was on a 2 weeks on 1 week off rotation, but I met a lot of amazing people out there and always found ways to keep busy. On his off time I took time off too and we continued exploring more. Life went back to normal, our friends and family began to accept what we did and had fun sharing our crazy story all around, even our new friends out west had fun sharing our story. That is how we became the Run Away Lovers, and we lived day to day like any other couple. But at least we had one crazy adventure to start out our love life. 

     Today we are back in Ontario, married for 8 years and have 3 kids. Once again just living life day by day. And even though he drives me completely crazy at times, I still love that little Irish man!

     Now go out and write your own story, and let me in on the link so I can enjoy reading your too!

My Photographic Journey, 365 days. One photo at a time.

     I know, I know, not another person doing another photo a day project. Oh yes people it is. It's simple really as photographers we want to capture the moments in life. and as a person we want to share those moments with the world. Being as we are quite proud of our work and our life. So here is my first week. I love to share everything, my photos, my words, my life. Enjoy!

Day 1: After a couple long months being overly attached to momma, of course the New Years Resolution for this guy would be getting back into his very own bed!

 Day 2: Today I don't feel like doing anything, I just want to stay in my bed. How can the day after, after, New Years cause so much laziness its not like we were up till midnight last night.... ehhh

Day 3: "Yes momma I do want to go outside, I don't care if temperatures are taking a deep freeze plunge"  All day this guy just wanted to be in the window! Well we went outside, but only to go to the indoor swimming pool.

Day 4: "Forget the Yellow Brick Road, There is no place like home" New shoes mean having to wear them all day long to break them in of course!

 Day 5: "Dream" Even though she truly believes she is a princess, she still likes to dream of that castle. Another all day wear. And apparently the attitude had to match the crown. But it did come off to be replaced by the Hockey Helmet!

 Day 6: First day of Snow Day, this little guy only slept for 15 min, and came out in the end with an ear infection. So lets just say, crazy older kids too cabin feverish, and one little infection feverish. Makes for a long day!

Day 7: Second Day of Snow Day, This one cried most of the day, Fearful that seeing as this is the first week back to school, her friends just might forget her :( 

    stay tuned for next week, and 7 more day to day photos of life!

Check me out on Facebook : Crystal Raynard Photography

The new 4 letter swear word is *LICE*

         Oh yes you read right, the new bad word around this house is LICE. Every once in a while I use this blog as a rant space.... be prepared to hear my wrath in this blog today. For I think we all at one time or another have felt angry while dealing with these little blood suckers! Feel free to let it all out like my 8 year does as she is thrashing and kicking a pillow pretending its a lice and yelling "You stupid stupid thing" after she says rather honestly she has not worn another hat or put her head near others.

      This house never was visited by the annoying Aunt and Uncle Lice till this year, having them aged 8 & 7 I guess that is good, but since June of this year they have had it 3 times. Once in the summer and twice since September. That is right folks we just had it a month ago. And now again!

     Rant time: I look after my sh#@.... That is right, there is a process to take when lice is found. I will not list it for you here then break it down for you, for all of you who obviously aren't dealing with your sh#@

1. Always have treatment on hand waiting of it to happen

2. Check your kid at least once a week if not 2

3. As soon as they are found, seeing as your treatment is on hand, begin the process and treat them.

4. keep them home from school, yes they are allowed back after they have had one treatment, but lets be honest sometimes one treatment and pick through their hair is not enough.

5. Contact your school to let them know, so other parents have a chance to realize that checking their own kid is of importance that week.

6. Never make your child feel ashamed for having it... and don't feel embarrassed yourself, it is going to happen if you have a kid in school, don't sweat it, just treat it.


    Now lets break this down for you.
1: We always have Tea Tree Oil on hand it works great, another one used alot is Nix, sometimes it is as effected as other. But just ask your local Shoppers or Drug store.

2. Regular checks have become ritual at this house. Lice eggs take about 7 days to hatch so you usually can be good if you want to do just once a week check, if you want to stop it before they hatch do it twice a week. We here in our household check it Wednesday and Sunday. You check by parting the hair into sections and looking close to he scalp and paying closest attention around the ears and back of the neck. and egg looks like dandruff but wont blow away, a nit looks like a little orange dot, and a adult lice will be moving around. Please check them the whole year round. If you don't do it for your kid, you make it twice as hard on other parents who are doing it for their kids, over and over again. Do your research too!

3. Treatment can be as simple as buy a box follow the directions. Some of them can be harsh on kids hair. We do a Natural treatment, I have one kid who has a bad reaction to the store bought stuff. this is what we do:
-Wash the hair with a tea tree shampoo, let the shampoo sit for 10 min then rinse.
-part hair section by section and add 100% tea tree oil and comb it through the hair.. almost like you are colouring the hair. Leave on for 10 15 min
-rinse out
- comb through section by section removing all the eggs, nits or Lice you find. - It is natural so if you still find live lice on them you can re do the treatment again.
-Keep checking in the mornings and after supper, combing through and picking them out.
Yes this is a process that takes a few hours, but it is worth it and if we all do it we can get it out of our schools

4. Keep them home Please. Even if they have had a treatment consider keeping them home for id not 2-3 days at least 1 day, make sure you have them all dead  before you send them were they can spread to others. I understand that some parents have to work, but you have kids and your responsibility to look after the problem. And if you don't and spread it around, it is worse then the flu it will come back to you again. I kept mine home last time for 5 days, treated and looked after it and a month later we have it again. Not too happy about it, now we are facing another few days home just before Christmas break.

5. Phone the school, let them know so they have a chance to let the child's classroom know to check their kids and treat if necessary. We all live a social media world. If you can put up on Facebook and twitter your every waking moment then you can put up that your child has lice, giving other parents who were in contact with your child a chance. this time we had a birthday party the day before check day. I wish I checked before. I trying to be the good person. wrote a note to each of the parents, I don't have all the phone numbers. And brought into my school only to find out I can't hand them out, its policy to not single out a child even if I am asking to single her out. And I can't get any phone numbers. Not the principals fault but it is the school boards. You would think they want it out of the schools.

6. Give your kid the biggest hug. Kids at school will tough enough on them for having it, they don't need to feel your stress about it. They need to see that if you are not embarrassed about it then neither do they need to feel embarrassed about it. Chances are you will have to deal with it more than once in life and you don't want them feeling like they have done something wrong. 

    Please I can't stress enough to check and treat your kid. My one daughters class just can't seem to get rid of it. If we all work together then we might have a chance to knock it out. I don't there is any excuse to not look after it in your own home. 

Friday: Have a New Kid by Friday

Friday: Review

   Monday:
In order for you children to know you mean business ( and to keep you calm and rational)
1) say it once
2) turn your back
3) walk away
4) talk about it
5) still say No
Monday is hard, its hard to walk away, its hard to connect and talk it out, and its hard to say no in the end. Our Monday was lots of fun, full of chaos and a kid following me around promising me the world if I only let her have her tv  back! hold tight, I had to ground her off tv again and she took it like a champ no complaints at all!

  Tuesday:
Its all about the  A B C ‘s
A) Attitude
B) Behaviour
C) Character
You now understand were your child’s attitudes come from, and you’ve done a check in the mirror for your own attitude.
You understand why its important  to be aware of the purposive nature of your child’s behaviour. You are determined to hold firm in directing your child character.
You also have 3 different ideas for success firmly in your mind.
1) Let reality be the teacher
2) Learn to respond rather then react
3) B does not happen till A is complete
We all don't want to admit that yes our attitude might in fact have something to do with this. but it does, and I spent from Tuesday on testing this, the days that I stayed calm, my oldest stayed calm, the days that I did not breath and count to 10 she did not breath and count to 10. 

  Wednesday:
Your taking the long view in this journey of parenting you’ve evaluated what kind of parent you are.
1) Permissive
2) Authoritarian
3) Authoritative or Responsive
You’ve evaluated how your parenting styles influences the way your child responds to you. You are actively thinking of ways your attitude, behaviour, and character can be better balanced in regard to your children. You’ve decided to focus first on your relationship with your child l, realizing that with out relationship with your child, rules will not be effective. You’ve also decided not to make mountains out of molehills, and you’re strategizing which areas really are important ones.
Really did not realize how all over the map my parenting had got, Been spending all week trying to change that around and come into a more constant middle ground of parenting

  
Thursday:
You understand the difference between self-esteem and self- worth. You’ve evaluated how you can help your child develop with the 3 pillars.
1) Acceptance
2) Belonging
3) Competence
You’re determined to move from praise ( focusing on how “ good” a person is ) to encouragement ( focusing on the action )
I read this book a long time ago, and I have been working the A B C 's into a lot of things so it wasn't hard to start this back up some we were still doing. We always let the kids know we accept them just not their behaviour, and we have always let them know, We are this family and this is how this family does things, and we have tried to give them competence  but night be able to give them a bit more now. My oldest is doing much better on encouragement  she has a hard time setting goals and moving forward she gets comfortable with were she is, so this has helped her to want to set that goal and move up a level in whatever she is working on!

  Friday
Today launch your plans onto the kids, and remember, there are no warnings, no threats, no explanations, only action and follow through. Above all, there is no backing down, no caving in.
Your child’s behaviour will get worse, its like fishing in a creek, when you catch a fish, it will try to throw the hook out of its mouth by leaving the water and thrashing back and forth, ( fish out of the water syndrome) However if you talk to a fisherman, he’ll tell you in order to land that fish, you have to keep tension on the line. You don’t give that fish any slack. If you give slack no only will it jump of  the water it will  plunge back down to the rocks to scrape its jaw against the rocks to get the hook out. You have to keep the line consistently taut, because if you lose that fish it’ll be pretty tough to catch it again.
* Remember is its going to get worse before it gets better* i have already launched this all and it is going through he chaos point right now, they are fighting to try and get back to Disneyland. 


 Good luck, happy finishing and hold Firm!!!

Say goodbye to this, and Hello to a whole new way!

Thursday: Have a New Kid by Friday

     Thursday is rather long read, so I will leave my talking out of this one, enjoy the reading :)

Thursday

1. When expectations are made clear, and there is no wiggle room, a class clown can behave.
2. When adults expect the best, they get the best.
- when you clear the roads of life for your child, you believe your helping their self-esteem. WRONG, all you are doing is saying 
“I think your so stupid that you cant do it for yourself so I will do it for you” ( similar to only saying things once)
-Many children are “Mommy deaf” and for a food reason. When rules change with mommy’s hormones, why bother to follow them.

How to respect your children:
- Never do for them what they can do and should do for themselves.
- Don’t repeat your instructions
- Expect the best of them
- Encourage them
Eg. If you 4 year old cleans her room on her own, although its not as clean as you would like her room, then don’t re clean it. Instead help them when they need it most.

Self Esteem and Self worth:
-There is a big difference between “Feeling good” about self 
( self esteem) and self worth.
 - Making children feel good is easy, just give them everything they want whenever they want it. But if you do your hedonistic little sucker turns into a adolescent big sucker. Then “Boomerang kids “Kids who felt good about themselves because mom and dad always took care of thing for them, now mom and dad are stuck in the role even thought that child is ready for the real world.
- Part of parenting is knowing when to draw the line on adult-children and push then out into society.
- Our jo of parenting is not to make a happy child. Unhappy is healthy. Eg. If you are happy and everything is going good are you motivated to change? It’s when things don’t go right that we start to evaluate change.
-Felling good is temporary. It’s based on feelings, which change from minute to minute. They should feel good by working for it.
-Provide experiences where children pull their own weight, and learn responsibility and accountability, that’s establishing healthy self-worth.

Pillars of Self- Worth
A) Acceptance  B) Belonging  C) Competence

Acceptance:
-Unconditional acceptance of you child means everything in development.
-A child lives up to the expectations you hold for her.
-If you portray “Your dumb” no self-worth. If you portray “You can do it” then you have self-worth.
-Children can fly on one compliment, but it has to be true, if you want them to believe it. (oh dad just said that because he has to) is what they end up thinking
-If children don’t find unconditional acceptance at home, they look for it in peer groups, who accept them, even though they can’t really help the kid.
-Does accepting your child mean accepting everything he does? No, kids do dumb things, but always extend unconditional love and acceptance for them, not the dumb act or behaviour that you man not agree with. If you do he might not look to his peer group.

 Belonging:
-Every child needs to belong somewhere, with family (at home) or with the peer groups ( like in a gang)
-From the get-go establish your home as a place to belong.
-Let the family vote, listen to others, support each others activities, set aside family time, don’t loose family dinners or family vacations.
-Friends will change, family stays “we are the family and we belong”
-If there is no sense of belonging there will be no relationship. With out relationship, your rules, your words , and your actions mean nothing, you will drive them to find acceptance and belonging outside your home.

Competence:
-want to empower your kids. Give them responsibility.
-when they take the initiative to do a job say “good job, I bet your proud of you”. That gives inspiration to them to do it again and feel proud.
-Parents should set parameters for them to make, create, and excel at things and then day “good job” we will make them feel that they can do it if mom believe in them.
-They develop self-worth by contributing to a project, or a project of there own.
-If you allow them to be competent they will and, if they fail. They learn how to do things differently, as responsibility increases ,so does their confidence in their competence That’s how you prepare them for the real world.
-Children long for acceptance, and ache to belong. Want to have competence. If you don’t give it, peers will, but you matter more in their life.

Praise Vs Encouragement
“Your so smart, you built that Lego tower all by yourself”
“Your so cute when you do that. I cant wait to show nana”
-That is praise, if you asked any parent if praise is good or their children they would say yes. But their wrong. Praise isn’t good for kids, because most of the time is it dumbed up, to make them feel good and kids are smart enough to know difference.
-it’s never good to associate “goodness” or “cuteness” with how a child does a task, if that child did that task bad would that make them “Badness” or “ugly” see where its going?
-Praise link a child’s worth to what they have done, a chold sees it as “if  I don’t do good all the time, then I’m is not worth anything and mom and dad won’t love me”
-GO back to the pillars “acceptance, belonging and competence. Unconditional acceptance no matter what they do, to know they always belong to your household, and to learn competence. All there pillars can be knocked down by false praise.

Instead Encourage your child:
-Encouragement emphasizes the act and not the person.
-”I love what you built with your Lego’s. It’s very creative and fun, and you did it by yourself, what are you going to build next?”
-”That’s a fun cheer, were did you learn that”
-when you encourage the act, you encourage the child to be competent and to try something else in that area.
-little by little encouragement builds a core foundation of self worth that will help with peer pressure.
-Encourage what they do. “You helped your little sister, I appreciate it, you have a kinds heart to do suck a thing”
-This helps children on and solidifies their pillars of self worth.

What to do for Thursday:
1) How can you show your child unconditional acceptance?
2) How can you emphasize belonging in your family?
3) In what ways can you spur your child on to competence?
4) Think about the difference between praise and encouragement, what truly encouraging thing can you say to your child today?

Don't always fix the problem let them learn responsibility on their own

                            Or they might end up doing this to you