If you are reading this article and haven’t read Issue #1 go back and read in order, or I am afraid you might get totally lost in my ramblings.
For those of you tuning in to hear more of my Disney Effect your in luck. Today I am going to write about the number 1 reason why couples end in break-up.
COMMUNICATION
Communication is said to be one of the top reasons why couples can’t make it to happy ever after. Its hard to make communication work in a relationship when both male and female see communicating in two totally different ways. The story I have chosen to show an example of this is “The Little Mermaid”.
It has a perfect example of what happens when we sell our voice only leaving us unable to communicate.
We as men and woman see communication in two very different ways, men talk on a literal level, where woman communicate on a more relational level.
You see when you break it down communication is made up of 7% of a message in words spoken, 38% is in the voice intonation and 55% is in body language. That makes it together that 93% of a message is in unspoken words. Woman know all about this, we are more able to communicate on a relational level, were most men think literal and pay attention to the 7% of spoken words. The problem here is when a woman tries to communicate and gets a man who answers her with his words but his voice is mono-toned and he body language is watching the T.V, then as woman we think he isn’t even listening to me. Truth is he heard the words you said so he got your message, he gave you an answer back with his words, so as far as your man knows he has received and sent the message back conversations is done. What happens then when you turn it around and have the man send a message? A man asks if it would be a good time to go out with his buddies, woman’s response in her words is “Of course, go have fun!” but that 38% of voice tone is screaming “why can’t you just stay home with me” and her body language is saying “No I don’t think you should”. Then we as woman get so upset when the man then goes out with this friends. Truth is too your man he heard your words say “Of course” he can’t read the rest of the 93% of communication you are sending him.
Now we all the story of poor Ariel, she only lost the 45% of communication and had a hard time trying to get the prince to understand.
This clip says it all, after losing the 7% of spoken words and 38% of her voice tone, she only had a remaining 55% of her communication left. That 55% is all in her body language, which judging by the look on Eric face above, he is struggling to understand her. This happens in our relationships more than we think it does. Yes Eric was able to grasp most of the important stuff that he needed to understand, but do you really think Ariel felt that he understood her in this moment, probably not, she probably was realising if only she had her voice to speak the words, and the tone to go with it, then maybe the prince would understand. In this moment she realised that she should never have gave her voice away. I truly believe that we as woman do in way give up our voice, we do this when we decide to not just tell our man what we want, when we CHOOSE to throw are thoughts and opinions at our men with our tones and our body language.
I know a bit about this, like I said I only learned all about this stuff when I found my relationship slipping away. I did this a lot, I CHOOSE all the time to use my voice and body language to communicate with a man who was only listening to my words, I wasted so much energy trying to get him to just see and hear how I was feeling without ever telling him a word about how I was really feeling. I felt misunderstood and ignored, he felt hopeless and confused. None of our messages were being sent or received properly. This leaves your communication in a mess. It wasn't until understanding how each of us communicated that things began to turn around, I had to learn to use my words, just say what I needed. He had to learn to make an effort to engage with me through a conversation so his body language was communicating with me and not the T.V or shop manual.
Once Ariel got her voice back, and Eric made the effort to communicate to her with her body language they finally understood each other too.
I believe that its not how much or when we do our communicating that messes us up, but its how we are doing are communicating. If both partners in a relationship CHOOSE to try and communicate in a way their partner understands then they both will find themselves enjoying the time they get to communicate with each other, and watch the spark re ignite.
Stayed tuned for more Disney Effect Tomorrow.......
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