Now that summer has very sadly come to an end, and school is been in swing for a month now, I have little munchkins who I can see falling apart at the seams. They are more lazy, more cranky, more tired, and their listening button is broken. I always asume that I am the only mother out there that has these problems, that every other home is full of wonderful acting kids who never wine, never complain and never talk back. But I know there are a few out there who deal with the terror of the back to school syndrome!
I many years ago, when my kids were very little started to read parenting books and since then every October is spent dipping back into some of my favorite ones and of course from time to time a new one. I decided that this year I will blog my experience, maybe for some to follow along and use in their home, or maybe for others just to read as entertainment!
The book this week I am starting with is "Have a New Kid by Friday" written by Kevin Leman. I will summarize the book day by day and write some of the things that I notice happening in my house.
Monday:
Action Plan 1. Say it once
2.Turn your back
3.walk away
Eg. Keep saying “NO” and walking away (I would only do this at most 2 times, you want your child also to know you are there to listen to them )till that moment when they are ready to listen. Patch it up. Then when they ask again still say “NO” then you have WON!
-If you let your child win, you child is smart enough to try again in the same way.
Oh my kids are smart enough, they know that Daddy is the ticket to giving in every time, but yes I have fallen off the "sticking to my guns" wagon since the having the new baby.
-Remember children are masters of manipulation, Don’t think they are not manipulating you.
My brother hates this saying, he does not want to think a child is capable of manipulating you. But put it this way, if you think they are not doing it, then they are manipulating you good. YES they are manipulating from the little "ankle bitter" who cries to get his way, to the "remote control kid" who pushes your buttons to win what he wants.
-All children are attention getters, if she misbehaves she is doing so to gain your attention.
I have one who needs more attention then what Marilyn Monroe received. My first born, She will count everything you do, every move you make just to make sure you are giving her the same amount of what the others have got, and boy oh boy does she ever know that a baby soaks up a lot of that.
-Children need attention to feel worth, when they act out it is level 1 (attention getting) If they don’t get it, it becomes level 2 (Revenge)
“I feel hurt by life so I can strike out at others even you."
And she is a revenge seeker, she will strike out at you with her sassyness reminding you what you have done for everyone but her. I love her to death, but sheesh she is a way to smart and way to organized and she fights back like a champ.... I really have to up my game!
-Children learn a behavior , then keep pecking at it till they get the reward.
Oh my middle child is the queen at pecking, she learned what to do to get the "Ok fine do what you want" outta us, and she uses it daily. and to no surprise the little 6 month old has already learned, I cry and this woman will pick me up and sing to me play patti cake, peak a boo, why in the world would I entertain myself when I got mamma, why on earth would I just sit with daddy watching tv when I can get her with a few fake tears!
-You can change this with consistency and following through.
Crap! I suck at this, but if you say I can change it, I will change it!
-Say one of the girls hits another, call them over and ask “Do you need some attention today? If you need a hug all you have to do is say so. Just come over and ask me for a hug. You don’t have to hurt your sister, that kind of behavior is not acceptable.
Tried this one, and my kid just looked at me like I was crazy, "I don't need a hug, I need time away from HER!" so I have found that my Extrovert child needs and wants the hug, but my Introvert child needs to be giving a special spot to be alone and I need to keep her sister away for at least 10 min!
-Say it once, it you keep explaining it you are implying that they are stupid, that’s not showing them respect.
this can be hard. I find myself from time to time repeating what I have said over and over again, and I bet it does make them feel stupid. I find it best to say it once to them when you have their attention, that means tv/game is off and they are making eye contact with you and can repeat it back to you if asked!
Monday:
1. Observe what is happening in your house. What bothers you about your child.
2. Think about change.
3. Take the bulls by the horns.
4. Expect great things to happen.
Answers:
1. In my house it feels like a mad house, with just recently having a new baby in March of this year, I have let a lot of things slide. I have gave in after they follow me around asking and asking and asking like little leaches sucking the patience out of me, patience that has been gone over the summer while having them home full time, a new baby trying to get on a routine, and the everyday stress that comes along with trying to relieve the boredom of small children.
I haven not practiced follow through at all. I think I probably did something different every time with them, no wonder they are running around like kids from Lord of the Flies, I have left them with no routine discipline and they have taken to their own rules!
2. Hmmmm thinking sure is fun, I like this question. I think change is going to be awesome, I think we need to stick to our guns and follow through with what we said. Just his am I told my middle child she was not watching tv or computer time today for neglecting to remember not only to leave her indoor shoes at school but then to also remember to bring them back today, only to find half way to school she had on flip flops and the shoes that were left at school yesterday were her rubber boots. that is going to make gym class interesting! So the change I plan to do is to say "No" ( or like Barbra Coloroso, say Yes you may watch TV tomorrow, but not today ) I will choose to stick it out and make sure she learns a lesson. I am always bailing her out when it comes to her forgetfulness!
3. Oh the bull is taken by the horns, I am going to stick like glue I tell you, stick like glue!
4. Ok this takes confidence, I AM going to expect good things, I expect having the kids in my fairy tale beginning. One can dream right, and why not dream BIG!
........................To be continued tonight...................
Monday is one tough cookie I tell you. I DID IT! I stuck to my guns and followed through on the No tv, and boy oh boy did I want to run the other way for a little bit there, First she got sassy and told me that if she was not able to use electronics then she was going to be unable to eat dinner seeing as they were cooked with electronics and of course this was after she saw what we were eating, Then we had crying for a straight hour and a half! after that she was able to calm down, and had a whole new look at me, she finally knows now that I mean business, the rules are back in place! It felt good to finally win again, and I can see a lot more of it in the future. It can be tough to be a parent, it can be tough to stick it out, it can be tough to listen to them cry and not want to help them, but you are helping them by being constant. I still gave her hugs, I still talked to her, took her for a walk and read her the chapter in her book. I just did not let her watch TV. At first she thought she could not handle it, but she did it no problem and even mentioned at the end of the night how it went by fast, and she knows she will remember her stuff from now on! Now I guess its goodnight and on to tomorrow!
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