-All in perspective: what your children think about you at any particular moment isn't necessarily what they will think your whole life. If you are consistent , calm, and always do what you say , you will gain respect.
I used to do this a lot, I was always worried about being their friend, I dreaded them ever saying the "I hate you" line. But after doing this and seeing that they really did just want the rules to be made clear and stay the same I was shocked that I still didn't here that line, and even if they get upset with me, it was short lived and they always were ready for hugs by bedtime.
-If your child to be kind, teach them to be kind now. If you want them to spend them later, spend time with them now.
Putting the time in with your kids now is very important, I loose my husband every Sunday to his Dad, but I realize that his dad gave him that time and its not his payback to spend the time back with him.
-Children long for approval
My oldest needs constant approval, and it can be hard to keep up on everything she is doing and give it to her, but it rewarding back to you as a parent in the long run.
Different forms of parents
Permissive Parent:
-is slave to child
-Places priority on child and not on his or her spouse
-Robs child of self-esteem by doing things for them , that they can do themselves
-Provides the "Disney Land" experience, makes thinks as easy as possible for children.
-invited rebellion with inconsistent parenting.
Authoritarian Parent:
-Makes all decisions for the child
-uses rewards and punishment to control behavior
-sees themselves as better then the child
-runs the home with iron hands, grants little freedom
Authoritative or Responsible Parent:
-Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines with them
-provides the child with decision making opportunities
-Develops consistent, loving discipline
-Holds the child accountable
-Lets reality be the teacher
-conveys respect, self worth, and love to the child and therefore enhances the child's self-esteem
With permissive parent, there are no guidelines, and children will founder. With authoritarian parent everything is heavy handed. the wise parent finds the middle ground.
We leave an inedible mark on our children, often without even being aware that we are. Eg. you sit down for dinner and one of the children doesn't like pork chops. The permissive says "Oh, do you want a cheeseburger, I will get up and make you one now"
the authoritarian says " Eat it, pork chops are good for you and, you will clean your plate."
The Responsive says, "I know you don't like pork chops, but that is what I made for us, If you would like I could make you something afterwards, but thanks for sitting here with us for dinner, that's important to our family."
Connection:
-If your child does not feel love and acceptance, no matter what they do, there will be no relationship
It is important to let them know that you still love and accept them, its the behavior or attitude that you do not accept.
-"Talk to your children" not "ask questions" questions puts children on the defense instead make open ended statements like "I have never thought about it that way, tell me more"
This can be fun, ohhh the things and stories I have been told over the years by giving them that open ended statement and then listening to them.
-Talking to children about the little things leaves it open for them to talk to you about the big things.
This takes some time, its hard these days to get your kids to realize they can come to you with any problem they have, and we are busy in life it sometimes is hard to find the time to listen to them over every little thing, but if you don't you just might miss out on one of the more bigger things.
-they need to feel connection ( same team ) then the pressure ( bully )
enough said there.
-Address you own behavior before they will change
very important, reread Tuesdays if you need to
-Children want to please their parents. that's all you need, they don't like it when you are unhappy with them.
Just knowing that they have disappointed can be enough for them to change it around. Sit down and explain to them.
-What's most important is your relationship and that based on respect and unconditional love.
-Give them a commercial a gossip about them while they are there ( about all the good stuff )
My girls love when I do this, its make them feel special when you share the good things
-Provide age appropriate choices that won't frustrate them
An example of this is its ok to pick what shirt to wear, and easy little stuff but leave the big stuff to adults.
-Don't always try to make them happy, life is not Disneyland
They need to learn how to handle disappointments now, or they never will be able to later
-without accountability for action they turn into BRATZ
Being held responsible for their action make them better thinkers. they then realize that if there is a consequence to what they do then maybe the act isn't worth it.
-the goal should be to raise independent thinkers who have a healthy respect for themselves and others, this is extremely important in today's permissive society.
1. What kind of parenting style do you have?
Wow, I can range all over the board, no wonder they are little crazy children. at times I tend to be permissive and let them run me as a slave, then the next minute I am telling them to hush up and clean their plate. then later I can't figure out why they can't find a middle ground when I serve up that option.
2. How does you child respond to this parenting style
Wow again, they respond all over the page!
3. How can you adapt your parenting style to be more balanced?
I think an overhaul is in order, time to sit down and find the more middle ground of things. I think by starting to make sure there is time for them put aside, teaching them we are there to listen, that will help with respect. I believe if we stick to a plan and do this every time while fostering accountability it will help them to understand what is expected of them and help them not to act out.
4. In what ways can you emphasize relationships in your home?
Relationship has always been a big thing in our home, if there is one thing we do right, its this. We have days were we each spend time alone with each child, we have days we spend as a family and give them days to be siblings together, teaching them how important it is to take time for each of the special relationships in their lives.
Wednesday is an interesting day, I realized just how all over the place I was parenting, and in that come to realize that maybe a little bit of change was needed. It is tough to not be the slave, and its sometime tough not to sometimes be the one that makes all the decisions. It might seem funny to give them what they want at dinner and make them something else, but you want them to eat and you are just teaching them that the main thing is spending time together, building that relationship around the dinner table.
Take time with them now!
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