Let's take a look at what all Tuesday has to teach us! Now Tuesday is a hard day to read, its focuses on you as a parent and might offend some people. Try to keep your mind open as you read, and remember everything may or may not apply to you and your kids.
A- Attitude
B- Behavior
C- Character
Attitude and Behavior
-Attitude shows through behavior eg: eyes rolling, talking back, whining , throws a tantrum, and disrespect.
Oh yes I have a couple of pre teen girls who have this, they both eye roll and sigh, older talks back and shows disrespect, other one whines and throws a fit (like the 1 1/2 long cry we had last night)
-Attitude is caught not taught
WOW.... this one sucks, because yes the eye rolling was from Daddy, the whining I would have to say Daddy too, but crap the talking back and tantrum would be all me, and well I think we both at time show them a bit of disrespect too!
-The key to changing your child is changing your attitude
Sounds simple enough, but it so in not, we too learn a behavior through our attitude and its tough to undo that, lets hope by reading further they can offer us some strategies to get out of this one!
-If a job is left undone, pay sibling to do it out of their allowance.
I have done this one, very effective, at least with my girls. they hate to see that they lost out on something just because they pulled attitude when asked to do it, and now they have to watch their sister enjoy the outcome of the allowance!
-A 2 year old saying "I don't want to" is not about "Terrible two's" they just want to test how far they can push you.
When I went through this with my own children I think I really did not understand fully how much a 2 year old can test you. I thought they are like this because they are like this... Wrong, I learned after starting an In home daycare this, the child I have at my house all day long is different from the child that comes with Mom in the door every morning, not that it is a bad thing, but you really get to see how that little ankle bitter is manipulating and testing their parents, VS how they don't push those buttons with a guardian at all.
-take a look at your attitude, how loudly is it speaking.
Well it is speaking pretty loudly that is for sure. after a long and stressful summer I believe I have let my attitude and behavior get the best of me yet again. There is so many demands on the stay at home parent, and the working parent and I think a lot of us let stuff slip away and we end up too hard on ourselves. But we still need to pull up our big girls socks (or big MAN socks) and watch our own attitudes
-Behavior is learned, children model after you.
My children have learned some bad behavior from me, but I believe they have also learned some good as well. lets remember if modeling after you is what got them in a monster acting bad state, then modeling after your good behavior is what going to get them back to a happy place.
-If you yell when you get angry should it surprise you if then your child does the same thing.
Really watch what you do, I tend to not breath first and I have a strong headed girl who to no surprise does not breath first either.... I think I shocked her last night when she watched me not loose my cool during the 1 /2 hours crying fest her sister was giving me!
-Misbehavior is going to happen Kids are Kids.
Enough said here!
-they misbehave because you expect them to, and that's the only way to get attention from you.
Have you ever had them misbehave on you in the grocery store when you gave them the run down not to misbehave in the car before hand. Well that is due to the fact that you have just told them how you know they will behave so they deliver, try saying before going in the store. "you are both such good helpers with groceries I know you are going to take turns filling my cart, remember the stuff I forget, and we are going to have fun, and if we do it fast we can reward ourselves by picking out one special thing each"
**Done this and it actually works amazingly.
- Nothing works with out consistency, follow through and consequences.
Learned last night how much that can work :)
-Ask yourself
1. Why are they acting this way
There is always a reason they act out
2. How do you feel.
Is is draining your battery, or just annoying you
3. Is it a mountain or a molehill.
Major or miner.
Character is #1
-Character is who you are when no one is looking.
Really think about that for a minute
-Character is caught from who you grow up with and life experience as you grow.
So many people can affect your character, and so many experience can make your kid who they are going to be.
-Character can be reinforced through positive ways. "I'm so glad you helped that girl, you saw she needed help and you helped her." or negative "I heard what you said to your sister, that was unkind, you were being a bully. that is not acceptable in our home. you need to apologize.
It is all about remembering to think before you engage with them.
-Part of being human means to realize your imperfections. Character means you have an inner standard that care more for others.
I have a child with mild Aspergers and believe me it can be hard to help her have empathy for other children. but they need to think about how their life will be if they can't think about how others feel in a situation, and only think about themselves.
-True character is a person who goes to the person they have wronged, offers a heartfelt apology, and ask what they can do to make things right.
This is a really good way to teach them about how they have made others feel. I do this with my girls and I can see the difference it makes in them.
-Character is not only everything, it's the only thing in the long run, it is the foundation for your attitude an behavior.
Build a good character and your attitude will make the right choice in life and your behavior will sum up the rest
3 Simple Strategies:
1. Let reality be the teacher: Don't rescue kids from their failed responsibility if she messes with her sisters things don't help her clean it up, let her sister deal with her. Don't rub her wrongs in her face. We tend to become bone diggers, dig up situations long over and hitting then over the head with the bone. Remember we do wrong and don't enjoy being reminded of how we fail.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do to teach them they just have to learn on their own.
2. Learn to respond rather than react: Parents will act without thinking first. what is the difference, if a doctor says "you respond to a medication" that's a good thing, but when a doctor says "You react to a medication" that's a bad thing. A little girl asks for a pony (reality you can't house a pony) you react "What are you thinking there is no way we have the room or the money for a pony" or you respond. " Oh a pony" think about it and daydream as well " Tell me more about how it would be to have a pony" then explain somethings are nice to daydream about.
Think about it, just always think first. I can do that it is easy
3. B doesn't happen till A is completed: If your child is asked to do something and it is not done, you do not move forward to the next event. "If you don't clean up this mess then you don't go outside" say no and walk away.
I can see this helping my middle forget everything child, "oh whats that your backpack is on the floor you can't have your snack till that picked up
Its about you changing you're A, B, C then they will change theirs. Use constant actions, not words, work together through your change.
For Tuesday
1. What is your attitude towards your kids?
Well lately it has been a lot of eye rolling and maybe not the best it can be.
2. How does your behavior reveal your attitude
I think just simply me reacting instead of responding is what is causing me to get short with them by the end of the day
3. What changes do you need to make in your behavior towards your children.?
Following those strategies I have done them before and know they can be very effective
4. What kind of character do you want to be known for? how can you get there?
I think we all want to be known for a character that is respect and helpful towards their children's growth. yes it can be hard at the end of the day but I think if we learn to just think it though and respond to them, just learn to let the little things go focus on the big stuff, they will see that our character cares more about their feelings in the end and will help them to realize that is what respect is, you still have an agenda to get through to them and teach them right from wrong, but you also care enough about them to help them catch the caring character in the end.
.......Tune back in tonight to see how the day goes........
Today was not so bad, Of course when it is only one day that your are practicing to watch yourself it is rather easy. Ask me again how my Attitude is doing after its been a few weeks and I am faced with an issue. The kids were great today, either that is just because they had a good day, or like Tuesday say its because I had a good day and they just mimicked my behavior and Attitude. My oldest does tend to pick up on the emotions of others and this can very easily set her mood for the worst or for the best. Either way, Tuesday is a hard pill to swallow. It asks us to dig deep into ourselves to ask the tough question if maybe we have a little more to do with their behavior then we like to think. I will continue to use these strategies given today, and hopefully have a lot more calm days.
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