The Disney Effect: Issue #2 selling your voice

Disney Effect: Issue #2 selling your voice.

If you are reading this article and haven’t read Issue #1 go back and read in order, or I am afraid you might get totally lost in my ramblings.

For those of you tuning in to hear more of my Disney Effect your in luck. Today I am going to write about the number 1 reason why couples end in break-up.

COMMUNICATION

Communication is said to be one of the top reasons why couples can’t make it to happy ever after. Its hard to make communication work in a relationship when both male and female see communicating in two totally different ways. The story I have chosen to show an example of this is “The Little Mermaid”.

It has a perfect example of what happens when we sell our voice only leaving us unable to communicate.

We as men and woman see communication in two very different ways, men talk on a literal level, where woman communicate on a more relational level.

You see when you break it down communication is made up of 7% of a message in words spoken, 38% is in the voice intonation and 55% is in body language. That makes it together that 93% of a message is in unspoken words. Woman know all about this, we are more able to communicate on a relational level, were most men think literal and pay attention to the 7% of spoken words. The problem here is when a woman tries to communicate and gets a man who answers her with his words but his voice is mono-toned and he body language is watching the T.V, then as woman we think he isn’t even listening to me. Truth is he heard the words you said so he got your message, he gave you an answer back with his words, so as far as your man knows he has received and sent the message back conversations is done. What happens then when you turn it around and have the man send a message? A man asks if it would be a good time to go out with his buddies, woman’s response in her words is “Of course, go have fun!” but that 38% of voice tone is screaming “why can’t you just stay home with me” and her body language is saying “No I don’t think you should”. Then we as woman get so upset when the man then goes out with this friends. Truth is too your man he heard your words say “Of course” he can’t read the rest of the 93% of communication you are sending him.

Now we all the story of poor Ariel, she only lost the 45% of communication and had a hard time trying to get the prince to understand.

This clip says it all, after losing the 7% of spoken words and 38% of her voice tone, she only had a remaining 55% of her communication left. That 55% is all in her body language, which judging by the look on Eric face above, he is struggling to understand her. This happens in our relationships more than we think it does. Yes Eric was able to grasp most of the important stuff that he needed to understand, but do you really think Ariel felt that he understood her in this moment, probably not, she probably was realising if only she had her voice to speak the words, and the tone to go with it, then maybe the prince would understand. In this moment she realised that she should never have gave her voice away. I truly believe that we as woman do in way give up our voice, we do this when we decide to not just tell our man what we want, when we CHOOSE to throw are thoughts and opinions at our men with our tones and our body language.
     I know a bit about this, like I said I only learned all about this stuff when I found my relationship slipping away. I did this a lot, I CHOOSE all the time to use my voice and body language to communicate with a man who was only listening to my words, I wasted so much energy trying to get him to just see and hear how I was feeling without ever telling him a word about how I was really feeling. I felt misunderstood and ignored, he felt hopeless and confused. None of our messages were being sent or received properly. This leaves your communication in a mess. It wasn't until understanding how each of us communicated that things began to turn around, I had to learn to use my words, just say what I needed. He had to learn to make an effort to engage with me through a conversation so his body language was communicating with me and not the T.V or shop manual.
   Once Ariel got her voice back, and Eric made the effort to communicate to her with her body language they finally understood each other too.

I believe that its not how much or when we do our communicating that messes us up, but its how we are doing are communicating. If both partners in a relationship CHOOSE to try and communicate in a way their partner understands then they both will find themselves enjoying the time they get to communicate with each other, and watch the spark re ignite.

Stayed tuned for more Disney Effect Tomorrow.......

The Disney Effect: Issue #1 Twitterpated

     All of us grew up with a Disney movie or two, we know most of the stories by heart. We know every struggle of every girl and every happily ever after, from every boy that saved the day. But have we ever stopped to think about how this is shaping our thoughts about love and marriage.
     Every movie has a different theme, but all the same lessons, some pretty girl needs some pretty boy to come save the day and fight the fight before they can finally get married and live happily ever after........Well they got it right just in the wrong place. We usually experience the happily ever after before we tie the knot, then after life can give us some ups and some downs, during these times is when some couples have a hard time living the happily ever after.
     Divorce rates are on the rise and with more people choosing to walk instead of fight, we are not sitting over the half way marker, that's right more than half of us will walk away.
     Well when my children were young I experienced this, life was supposed to be happily ever after,(like the Disney movies promised) and it was instead a sadly forever disaster. I decided to stay and fight inst ed of walk away. I choose to fight the fight.
     Just on St. Patrick's day we celebrated 9 years together, we have been married 7 this July, and spring always reminds me of the fight we have gone through to be together, and the fight we will still meet later on in life. It reminds me how lucky I am that we took the steps to try and work together better. Spring always is a time of Love, and for me it is even more because its were are story began. I have decided to do a blog special for spring all about My Disney Effect.
   You see years ago when we were first married and felt that we were not making scenes, we stated to read marriage books, and alot of them, well at the same time I was watching alot of Disney movies with my little girls remembering about all the promises Disney gave me. I started to see a pattern in these movies. They all had to go through their battle to gain their happy ever after, but I started to notice that all these movies were great examples of how a couple can go through many different problems in their relationship, but it also showed that there is a way through that battle. I spent several hours at my computer typing my new Disney theory. You see Disney promised a fight then happy ever after, it was just backwards to seem to find that happiness then have some problems.
     In honour of spring I am going to spend some time explaining my Disney Effect in hopes that wither your married, single, dating or complicated  maybe you will see your problems in a whole new light. Also I haven't done a blog special yet, so here's my chance to ;)

     Well my Disney Effect starts were most relationships start. When we all fall in love. When we experience becoming Twitterpated, Now I will turn it over to my friend Owl.

     Twitterpated, that's whats happens to us. This is how it starts, we fall head over heels for someone and begin the process of walking on air. My story started very much like Bambi.
    Once upon a time on the night before St. Patrick's Day, I ran into a boy I had met before when I was younger, and it hit us, we became twitterpated just in time for spring. From their we were living in a dream world every thing was new and exciting and I never wanted it to end. That's what we do we spend are whole life looking for someone who can make us happy and we can spend the rest of our lives happy with that person. This is how we felt, every day discovering something new about each other. We caught the twitterpated bug so bad that then on Easter we packed our car, only together for 3 weeks and drove all the way out West to start our Happily Ever After. We were so in love and focused on each other and our new dream we decided to just run and not tell anyone. We actually told our roommates we were going to do laundry.
     This is how it starts, we find ourselves crazily ever after. We find ourselves doing things we would never do, feeling things we have never felt and before we know it we are long gone down the Twitterpated road. I don't see this as a bad thing, these are the feeling we need to remember and hold onto in our times of struggle. Remembering that Love brought you together, and Life will always try and split you up, life happens, without are love we have nothing. This is one of the special bonds each couples holds. Their is always a beginning to a love story and its always begins with two people becoming Twitterpated. 

Tune in Tomorrow for.......... More Disney Effect, we start to look at some of the top 5 relationship problems.