The new 4 letter swear word is *LICE*

         Oh yes you read right, the new bad word around this house is LICE. Every once in a while I use this blog as a rant space.... be prepared to hear my wrath in this blog today. For I think we all at one time or another have felt angry while dealing with these little blood suckers! Feel free to let it all out like my 8 year does as she is thrashing and kicking a pillow pretending its a lice and yelling "You stupid stupid thing" after she says rather honestly she has not worn another hat or put her head near others.

      This house never was visited by the annoying Aunt and Uncle Lice till this year, having them aged 8 & 7 I guess that is good, but since June of this year they have had it 3 times. Once in the summer and twice since September. That is right folks we just had it a month ago. And now again!

     Rant time: I look after my sh#@.... That is right, there is a process to take when lice is found. I will not list it for you here then break it down for you, for all of you who obviously aren't dealing with your sh#@

1. Always have treatment on hand waiting of it to happen

2. Check your kid at least once a week if not 2

3. As soon as they are found, seeing as your treatment is on hand, begin the process and treat them.

4. keep them home from school, yes they are allowed back after they have had one treatment, but lets be honest sometimes one treatment and pick through their hair is not enough.

5. Contact your school to let them know, so other parents have a chance to realize that checking their own kid is of importance that week.

6. Never make your child feel ashamed for having it... and don't feel embarrassed yourself, it is going to happen if you have a kid in school, don't sweat it, just treat it.


    Now lets break this down for you.
1: We always have Tea Tree Oil on hand it works great, another one used alot is Nix, sometimes it is as effected as other. But just ask your local Shoppers or Drug store.

2. Regular checks have become ritual at this house. Lice eggs take about 7 days to hatch so you usually can be good if you want to do just once a week check, if you want to stop it before they hatch do it twice a week. We here in our household check it Wednesday and Sunday. You check by parting the hair into sections and looking close to he scalp and paying closest attention around the ears and back of the neck. and egg looks like dandruff but wont blow away, a nit looks like a little orange dot, and a adult lice will be moving around. Please check them the whole year round. If you don't do it for your kid, you make it twice as hard on other parents who are doing it for their kids, over and over again. Do your research too!

3. Treatment can be as simple as buy a box follow the directions. Some of them can be harsh on kids hair. We do a Natural treatment, I have one kid who has a bad reaction to the store bought stuff. this is what we do:
-Wash the hair with a tea tree shampoo, let the shampoo sit for 10 min then rinse.
-part hair section by section and add 100% tea tree oil and comb it through the hair.. almost like you are colouring the hair. Leave on for 10 15 min
-rinse out
- comb through section by section removing all the eggs, nits or Lice you find. - It is natural so if you still find live lice on them you can re do the treatment again.
-Keep checking in the mornings and after supper, combing through and picking them out.
Yes this is a process that takes a few hours, but it is worth it and if we all do it we can get it out of our schools

4. Keep them home Please. Even if they have had a treatment consider keeping them home for id not 2-3 days at least 1 day, make sure you have them all dead  before you send them were they can spread to others. I understand that some parents have to work, but you have kids and your responsibility to look after the problem. And if you don't and spread it around, it is worse then the flu it will come back to you again. I kept mine home last time for 5 days, treated and looked after it and a month later we have it again. Not too happy about it, now we are facing another few days home just before Christmas break.

5. Phone the school, let them know so they have a chance to let the child's classroom know to check their kids and treat if necessary. We all live a social media world. If you can put up on Facebook and twitter your every waking moment then you can put up that your child has lice, giving other parents who were in contact with your child a chance. this time we had a birthday party the day before check day. I wish I checked before. I trying to be the good person. wrote a note to each of the parents, I don't have all the phone numbers. And brought into my school only to find out I can't hand them out, its policy to not single out a child even if I am asking to single her out. And I can't get any phone numbers. Not the principals fault but it is the school boards. You would think they want it out of the schools.

6. Give your kid the biggest hug. Kids at school will tough enough on them for having it, they don't need to feel your stress about it. They need to see that if you are not embarrassed about it then neither do they need to feel embarrassed about it. Chances are you will have to deal with it more than once in life and you don't want them feeling like they have done something wrong. 

    Please I can't stress enough to check and treat your kid. My one daughters class just can't seem to get rid of it. If we all work together then we might have a chance to knock it out. I don't there is any excuse to not look after it in your own home. 

Friday: Have a New Kid by Friday

Friday: Review

   Monday:
In order for you children to know you mean business ( and to keep you calm and rational)
1) say it once
2) turn your back
3) walk away
4) talk about it
5) still say No
Monday is hard, its hard to walk away, its hard to connect and talk it out, and its hard to say no in the end. Our Monday was lots of fun, full of chaos and a kid following me around promising me the world if I only let her have her tv  back! hold tight, I had to ground her off tv again and she took it like a champ no complaints at all!

  Tuesday:
Its all about the  A B C ‘s
A) Attitude
B) Behaviour
C) Character
You now understand were your child’s attitudes come from, and you’ve done a check in the mirror for your own attitude.
You understand why its important  to be aware of the purposive nature of your child’s behaviour. You are determined to hold firm in directing your child character.
You also have 3 different ideas for success firmly in your mind.
1) Let reality be the teacher
2) Learn to respond rather then react
3) B does not happen till A is complete
We all don't want to admit that yes our attitude might in fact have something to do with this. but it does, and I spent from Tuesday on testing this, the days that I stayed calm, my oldest stayed calm, the days that I did not breath and count to 10 she did not breath and count to 10. 

  Wednesday:
Your taking the long view in this journey of parenting you’ve evaluated what kind of parent you are.
1) Permissive
2) Authoritarian
3) Authoritative or Responsive
You’ve evaluated how your parenting styles influences the way your child responds to you. You are actively thinking of ways your attitude, behaviour, and character can be better balanced in regard to your children. You’ve decided to focus first on your relationship with your child l, realizing that with out relationship with your child, rules will not be effective. You’ve also decided not to make mountains out of molehills, and you’re strategizing which areas really are important ones.
Really did not realize how all over the map my parenting had got, Been spending all week trying to change that around and come into a more constant middle ground of parenting

  
Thursday:
You understand the difference between self-esteem and self- worth. You’ve evaluated how you can help your child develop with the 3 pillars.
1) Acceptance
2) Belonging
3) Competence
You’re determined to move from praise ( focusing on how “ good” a person is ) to encouragement ( focusing on the action )
I read this book a long time ago, and I have been working the A B C 's into a lot of things so it wasn't hard to start this back up some we were still doing. We always let the kids know we accept them just not their behaviour, and we have always let them know, We are this family and this is how this family does things, and we have tried to give them competence  but night be able to give them a bit more now. My oldest is doing much better on encouragement  she has a hard time setting goals and moving forward she gets comfortable with were she is, so this has helped her to want to set that goal and move up a level in whatever she is working on!

  Friday
Today launch your plans onto the kids, and remember, there are no warnings, no threats, no explanations, only action and follow through. Above all, there is no backing down, no caving in.
Your child’s behaviour will get worse, its like fishing in a creek, when you catch a fish, it will try to throw the hook out of its mouth by leaving the water and thrashing back and forth, ( fish out of the water syndrome) However if you talk to a fisherman, he’ll tell you in order to land that fish, you have to keep tension on the line. You don’t give that fish any slack. If you give slack no only will it jump of  the water it will  plunge back down to the rocks to scrape its jaw against the rocks to get the hook out. You have to keep the line consistently taut, because if you lose that fish it’ll be pretty tough to catch it again.
* Remember is its going to get worse before it gets better* i have already launched this all and it is going through he chaos point right now, they are fighting to try and get back to Disneyland. 


 Good luck, happy finishing and hold Firm!!!

Say goodbye to this, and Hello to a whole new way!

Thursday: Have a New Kid by Friday

     Thursday is rather long read, so I will leave my talking out of this one, enjoy the reading :)

Thursday

1. When expectations are made clear, and there is no wiggle room, a class clown can behave.
2. When adults expect the best, they get the best.
- when you clear the roads of life for your child, you believe your helping their self-esteem. WRONG, all you are doing is saying 
“I think your so stupid that you cant do it for yourself so I will do it for you” ( similar to only saying things once)
-Many children are “Mommy deaf” and for a food reason. When rules change with mommy’s hormones, why bother to follow them.

How to respect your children:
- Never do for them what they can do and should do for themselves.
- Don’t repeat your instructions
- Expect the best of them
- Encourage them
Eg. If you 4 year old cleans her room on her own, although its not as clean as you would like her room, then don’t re clean it. Instead help them when they need it most.

Self Esteem and Self worth:
-There is a big difference between “Feeling good” about self 
( self esteem) and self worth.
 - Making children feel good is easy, just give them everything they want whenever they want it. But if you do your hedonistic little sucker turns into a adolescent big sucker. Then “Boomerang kids “Kids who felt good about themselves because mom and dad always took care of thing for them, now mom and dad are stuck in the role even thought that child is ready for the real world.
- Part of parenting is knowing when to draw the line on adult-children and push then out into society.
- Our jo of parenting is not to make a happy child. Unhappy is healthy. Eg. If you are happy and everything is going good are you motivated to change? It’s when things don’t go right that we start to evaluate change.
-Felling good is temporary. It’s based on feelings, which change from minute to minute. They should feel good by working for it.
-Provide experiences where children pull their own weight, and learn responsibility and accountability, that’s establishing healthy self-worth.

Pillars of Self- Worth
A) Acceptance  B) Belonging  C) Competence

Acceptance:
-Unconditional acceptance of you child means everything in development.
-A child lives up to the expectations you hold for her.
-If you portray “Your dumb” no self-worth. If you portray “You can do it” then you have self-worth.
-Children can fly on one compliment, but it has to be true, if you want them to believe it. (oh dad just said that because he has to) is what they end up thinking
-If children don’t find unconditional acceptance at home, they look for it in peer groups, who accept them, even though they can’t really help the kid.
-Does accepting your child mean accepting everything he does? No, kids do dumb things, but always extend unconditional love and acceptance for them, not the dumb act or behaviour that you man not agree with. If you do he might not look to his peer group.

 Belonging:
-Every child needs to belong somewhere, with family (at home) or with the peer groups ( like in a gang)
-From the get-go establish your home as a place to belong.
-Let the family vote, listen to others, support each others activities, set aside family time, don’t loose family dinners or family vacations.
-Friends will change, family stays “we are the family and we belong”
-If there is no sense of belonging there will be no relationship. With out relationship, your rules, your words , and your actions mean nothing, you will drive them to find acceptance and belonging outside your home.

Competence:
-want to empower your kids. Give them responsibility.
-when they take the initiative to do a job say “good job, I bet your proud of you”. That gives inspiration to them to do it again and feel proud.
-Parents should set parameters for them to make, create, and excel at things and then day “good job” we will make them feel that they can do it if mom believe in them.
-They develop self-worth by contributing to a project, or a project of there own.
-If you allow them to be competent they will and, if they fail. They learn how to do things differently, as responsibility increases ,so does their confidence in their competence That’s how you prepare them for the real world.
-Children long for acceptance, and ache to belong. Want to have competence. If you don’t give it, peers will, but you matter more in their life.

Praise Vs Encouragement
“Your so smart, you built that Lego tower all by yourself”
“Your so cute when you do that. I cant wait to show nana”
-That is praise, if you asked any parent if praise is good or their children they would say yes. But their wrong. Praise isn’t good for kids, because most of the time is it dumbed up, to make them feel good and kids are smart enough to know difference.
-it’s never good to associate “goodness” or “cuteness” with how a child does a task, if that child did that task bad would that make them “Badness” or “ugly” see where its going?
-Praise link a child’s worth to what they have done, a chold sees it as “if  I don’t do good all the time, then I’m is not worth anything and mom and dad won’t love me”
-GO back to the pillars “acceptance, belonging and competence. Unconditional acceptance no matter what they do, to know they always belong to your household, and to learn competence. All there pillars can be knocked down by false praise.

Instead Encourage your child:
-Encouragement emphasizes the act and not the person.
-”I love what you built with your Lego’s. It’s very creative and fun, and you did it by yourself, what are you going to build next?”
-”That’s a fun cheer, were did you learn that”
-when you encourage the act, you encourage the child to be competent and to try something else in that area.
-little by little encouragement builds a core foundation of self worth that will help with peer pressure.
-Encourage what they do. “You helped your little sister, I appreciate it, you have a kinds heart to do suck a thing”
-This helps children on and solidifies their pillars of self worth.

What to do for Thursday:
1) How can you show your child unconditional acceptance?
2) How can you emphasize belonging in your family?
3) In what ways can you spur your child on to competence?
4) Think about the difference between praise and encouragement, what truly encouraging thing can you say to your child today?

Don't always fix the problem let them learn responsibility on their own

                            Or they might end up doing this to you

Wednesday :Have a New Kid by Friday

     Tuesday was a long look at yourself and more about changing your own A, B, C's. Today is about what parent you hope to be! this day reminds me a lot about Barbra Coloroso books. She offers a lot more information into it, but we will leave that book to another day! Lets take a look at Wednesday.


-All in perspective: what your children think about you at any particular moment isn't necessarily what they will think your whole life. If you are consistent , calm, and always do what you say , you will gain respect.
I used to do this a lot, I was always worried about being their friend, I dreaded them ever saying the "I hate you" line. But after doing this and seeing that they really did just want the rules to be made clear and stay the same I was shocked that I still didn't here that line, and even if they get upset with me, it was short lived and they always were ready for hugs by bedtime.

-If your child to be kind, teach them to be kind now. If you want them to spend them later, spend time with them now.
Putting the time in with your kids now is very important, I loose my husband every Sunday to his Dad, but I realize that his dad gave him that time and its not his payback to spend the time back with him.

-Children long for approval
My oldest needs constant approval, and it can be hard to keep up on everything she is doing and give it to her, but it rewarding back to you as a parent in the long run.

Different forms of parents
Permissive Parent:
-is slave to child
-Places priority on child and not on his or her spouse
-Robs child of self-esteem by doing things for them , that they can do themselves
-Provides the "Disney Land" experience, makes thinks as easy as possible for children.
-invited rebellion with inconsistent parenting.

Authoritarian Parent:
-Makes all decisions for the child
-uses rewards and punishment to control behavior
-sees themselves as better then the child
-runs the home with iron hands, grants little freedom

Authoritative or Responsible Parent:
-Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines with them
-provides the child with decision making opportunities
-Develops consistent, loving discipline
-Holds the child accountable
-Lets reality be the teacher
-conveys respect, self worth, and love to the child and therefore enhances the child's self-esteem

     With permissive parent, there are no guidelines, and children will founder. With authoritarian parent everything is heavy handed. the wise parent finds the middle ground.
     We leave an inedible mark on our children, often without even being aware that we are. Eg. you sit down for dinner and one of the children doesn't like pork chops. The permissive says "Oh, do you want a cheeseburger, I will get up and make you one now"
the authoritarian says " Eat it, pork chops are good for you and, you will clean your plate."
The Responsive says, "I know you don't like pork chops, but that is what I made for us, If you would like I could make you something afterwards, but thanks for sitting here with us for dinner, that's important to our family."

Connection:
-If your child does not feel love and acceptance, no matter what they do, there will be no relationship
It is important to let them know that you still love and accept them, its the behavior or attitude that you do not accept.

-"Talk to your children" not "ask questions" questions puts children on the defense  instead make open ended statements like "I have never thought about it that way, tell me more"
This can be fun, ohhh the things and stories I have been told over the years by giving them that open ended statement and then listening to them.

-Talking to children about the little things leaves it open for them to talk to you about the big things.
This takes some time, its hard these days to get your kids to realize they can come to you with any problem they have, and we are busy in life it sometimes is hard to find the time to listen to them over every little thing, but if you don't you just might miss out on one of the more bigger things.

-they need to feel connection ( same team ) then the pressure ( bully )
enough said there.

-Address you own behavior before they will change
very important, reread Tuesdays if you need to

-Children want to please their parents. that's all you need, they don't like it when you are unhappy with them.
Just knowing that they have disappointed can be enough for them to change it around. Sit down and explain to them.

-What's most important is your relationship  and that based on respect and unconditional love.

-Give them a commercial  a gossip about them while they are there ( about all the good stuff )
My girls love when I do this, its make them feel special when you share the good things

-Provide age appropriate choices that won't frustrate them 
An example of this is its ok to pick what shirt to wear, and easy little stuff but leave the big stuff to adults.

-Don't always try to make them happy, life is not Disneyland
They need to learn how to handle disappointments now, or they never will be able to later

-without accountability for action they turn into BRATZ
Being held responsible for their action make them better thinkers. they then realize that if there is a consequence to what they do then maybe the act isn't worth it. 

-the goal should be to raise independent thinkers who have a healthy respect for themselves and others, this is extremely important in today's permissive society.

1. What kind of parenting style do you have?
Wow, I can range all over the board, no wonder they are little crazy children. at times I tend to be permissive and let them run me as a slave, then the next minute I am telling them to hush up and clean their plate. then later I can't figure out why they can't find a middle ground when I serve up that option.

2. How does you child respond to this parenting style
Wow again, they respond all over the page!

3. How can you adapt your parenting style to be more balanced?
I think an overhaul is in order, time to sit down and find the more middle ground of things. I think by starting to make sure there is time for them put aside, teaching them we are there to listen, that will help with respect. I believe if we stick to a plan and do this every time while fostering accountability it will help them to understand what is expected of them and help them not to act out.

4. In what ways can you emphasize relationships in your home?
Relationship has always been a big thing in our home, if there is one thing we do right, its this. We have days were we each spend time alone with each child, we have days we spend as a family and give them days to be siblings together, teaching them how important it is to take time for each of the special relationships in their lives.


     Wednesday is an interesting day, I realized just how all over the place I was parenting, and in that come to realize that maybe a little bit of change was needed. It is tough to not be the slave, and its sometime tough not to sometimes be the one that makes all the decisions. It might seem funny to give them what they want at dinner and make them something else, but you want them to eat and you are just teaching them that the main thing is spending time together, building that relationship around the dinner table.

Take time with them now!

Tuesday : Have a new Kid by Friday

     Well last night turned out to be rather interesting, we ended up heading to the ER with our middle kid to check out her ears for an ear infection. It was either wait till morning and have Daddy get next to no sleep. or head up while the DR was still there. Now this mommy is starting her parenting week out with a 6 month old and a 6 year old with ear infections..... this could be fun!
      Let's take a look at what all Tuesday has to teach us! Now Tuesday is a hard day to read, its focuses on you as a parent and might offend some people. Try to keep your mind open as you read, and remember everything may or may not apply to you and your kids.

A- Attitude
B- Behavior
C- Character

Attitude and Behavior
-Attitude shows through behavior eg: eyes rolling, talking back, whining , throws a tantrum, and disrespect.
Oh yes I have a couple of pre teen girls who have this, they both eye roll and sigh, older talks back and shows disrespect,  other one whines and throws a fit (like the 1 1/2 long cry we had last night)

-Attitude is caught not taught
WOW.... this one sucks, because yes the eye rolling was from Daddy, the whining I would have to say Daddy too, but crap the talking back and tantrum would be all me, and well I think we both at time show them a bit of disrespect too!

-The key to changing your child is changing your attitude
Sounds simple enough, but it so in not, we too learn a behavior through our attitude and its tough to undo that, lets hope by reading further they can offer us some strategies to get out of this one!

-If a job is left undone, pay sibling to do it out of their allowance.
I have done this one, very effective, at least with my girls. they hate to see that they lost out on something just because they pulled attitude when asked to do it, and now they have to watch their sister enjoy the outcome of the allowance! 

-A 2 year old saying "I don't want to" is not about  "Terrible two's" they just want to test how far they can push you.
When I went through this with my own children I think I really did not understand fully how much a 2 year old can test you. I thought they are like this because they are like this... Wrong, I learned after starting an In home daycare this, the child I have at my house all day long is different from the child that comes with Mom in the door every morning, not that it is a bad thing, but you really get to see how that little ankle bitter is manipulating and testing their parents, VS how they don't push those buttons with a guardian at all.

-take a look at your attitude, how loudly is it speaking.
Well it is speaking pretty loudly that is for sure. after a long and stressful summer I believe I have let my attitude and behavior get the best of me yet again. There is so many demands on the stay at home parent, and the working parent and I think a lot of us let stuff slip away and we end up too hard on ourselves.  But we still need to pull up our big girls socks (or big MAN socks) and watch our own attitudes

-Behavior is learned, children model after you.
My children have learned some bad behavior from me, but I believe they have also learned some good as well. lets remember if modeling after you is what got them in a monster acting bad state, then modeling after your good behavior is what going to get them back to a happy place.

-If you yell when you get angry should it surprise you if then your child does the same thing.
Really watch what you do, I tend to not breath first and I have a strong headed girl who to no surprise does not breath first either.... I think I shocked her last night when she watched me not loose my cool during the 1 /2 hours crying fest her sister was giving me!

-Misbehavior is going to happen Kids are Kids.
Enough said here!

-they misbehave because you expect them to, and that's the only way to get attention from you.
Have you ever had them misbehave on you in the grocery store when you gave them the run down not to misbehave in the car before hand. Well that is due to the fact that you have just told them how you know they will behave so they deliver, try saying before going in the store. "you are both such good helpers with groceries I know you are going to take turns filling my cart, remember the stuff I forget, and we are going to have fun, and if we do it fast we can reward ourselves by picking out one special thing each" 
**Done this and it actually works amazingly.

- Nothing works with out consistency, follow through and consequences.
Learned last night how much that can work :)

-Ask yourself 
          1. Why are they acting this way
There is always a reason  they act out
          2. How do you feel.
Is is draining your battery, or just annoying you
          3. Is it a mountain or a molehill.
Major or miner.


Character is #1
-Character is who you are when no one is looking.
Really think about that for a minute 
-Character is caught from who you grow up with and life experience as you grow.
So many people can affect your character, and so many experience can make your kid who they are going to be.
-Character can be reinforced through positive ways. "I'm so glad you helped that girl, you saw she needed help and you helped her." or negative "I heard what you said to your sister, that was unkind, you were being a bully. that is not acceptable in our home. you need to apologize.
It is all about remembering to think before you engage with them.
-Part of being human means to realize your imperfections. Character means you have an  inner standard that care more for others.
I have a child with mild Aspergers and believe me it can be hard to help her have empathy for other children. but they need to think about how their life will be if they can't think about how others feel in a situation, and only think about themselves. 
-True character is a person who goes to the person they have wronged, offers a heartfelt apology, and ask what they can do to make things right.
This is a really good way to teach them about how they have made others feel. I do this with my girls and I can see the difference it makes in them.
-Character  is not only everything, it's the only thing in the long run, it is the foundation for your attitude an behavior.
Build a good character and your attitude will make the right choice in life and your behavior will sum up the rest

3 Simple Strategies:
1. Let reality be the teacher: Don't rescue kids from their failed responsibility  if she messes with her sisters things don't help her clean it up, let her sister deal with her. Don't rub her wrongs in her face. We tend to become bone diggers, dig up situations long over and hitting then over the head with the bone. Remember we do wrong and don't enjoy being reminded of how we fail.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do to teach them they just have to learn on their own.

2. Learn to respond rather than react: Parents will act without thinking first. what is the difference, if a doctor says  "you respond to a medication" that's a good thing, but when a doctor says "You react to a medication" that's a bad thing. A little girl asks for a pony (reality you can't house a pony) you react "What are you thinking there is no way we have the room or the money for a pony" or you respond. " Oh a pony" think about it and daydream as well " Tell me more about how it would be to have a pony" then explain somethings are nice to daydream about.
Think about it, just always think first. I can do that it is easy

3. B doesn't happen till A is completed: If your child is asked to do something and it is not done, you do not move forward to the next event. "If you don't clean up this mess then you don't go outside" say no and walk away.
I can see this helping my middle forget everything child, "oh whats that your backpack is on the floor you can't have your snack till that picked up

      Its about you changing you're A, B, C then they will change theirs. Use constant actions, not words, work together through your change.

 For Tuesday
1. What is your attitude towards your kids?
Well lately it has been a lot of eye rolling and maybe not the best it can be.
2. How does your behavior reveal your attitude
I think just simply me reacting instead of responding is what is causing me to get short with them by the end of the day
3. What changes do you need to make in your behavior towards your children.?
Following those strategies  I have done them before and know they can be very effective 
4. What kind of character do you want to be known for? how can you get there?
I think we all want to be known for a character that is respect and helpful towards their children's growth. yes it can be hard at the end of the day but I think if we learn to just think it though and respond to them, just learn to let the little things go focus on the big stuff, they will see that our character cares more about their feelings in the end and will help them to realize that is what respect is, you still have an agenda to get through to them and teach them right from wrong, but you also care enough about them to help them catch the caring character in the end.

.......Tune back in tonight to see how the day goes........

    
           Today was not so bad, Of course when it is only one day that your are practicing to watch yourself it is rather easy. Ask me again how my Attitude is doing after its been a few weeks and I am faced with an issue. The kids were great today, either that is just because they had a good day, or like Tuesday say its because I had a good day and they just mimicked my behavior and Attitude. My oldest does tend to pick up on the emotions of others and this can very easily set her mood for the worst or for the best. Either way, Tuesday is a hard pill to swallow. It asks us to dig deep into ourselves to ask the tough question if maybe we have a little more to do with their behavior then we like to think. I will continue to use these strategies given today, and hopefully have a lot more calm days.

Monday: Have a New Kid by Friday

                             " Have a New kid By Friday"


     Now that summer has very sadly come to an end, and school is been in swing for a month now, I have little munchkins who I can see falling apart at the seams. They are more lazy, more cranky, more tired, and their listening button is broken. I always asume that I am the only mother out there that has these problems, that every other home is full of wonderful acting kids who never wine, never complain and never talk back. But I know there are a few out there who deal with the terror of the back to school syndrome!


     I many years ago, when my kids were very little started to read parenting books and since then every October is spent dipping back into some of my favorite ones and of course from time to time a new one. I decided that this year I will blog my experience, maybe for some to follow along and use in their home, or maybe for others just to read as entertainment!

     The book this week I am starting with is "Have a New Kid by Friday" written by Kevin Leman. I will summarize the book day by day and write some of the things that I notice happening in my house.


Monday:
Action Plan  1. Say it once
                      2.Turn your back
                      3.walk away

Eg. Keep saying “NO” and walking away (I would only do this at most 2 times, you want your child also to know you are there to listen to them )till that moment when they are ready to listen. Patch it up. Then when they ask again still say  “NO” then you have WON!

-If you let your child win, you child is smart enough to try again in the same way.
Oh my kids are smart enough, they know that Daddy is the ticket to giving in every time, but yes I have fallen off the "sticking to my guns" wagon since the having the new baby.

-Remember children are masters of manipulation, Don’t think they are not manipulating you.
My brother hates this saying, he does not want to think a child is capable of manipulating you. But put it this way, if you think they are not doing it, then they are manipulating you good. YES they are manipulating from the little "ankle bitter" who cries to get his way, to the "remote control kid" who pushes your buttons to win what he wants.

-All children are attention getters, if she misbehaves she is doing so to gain your attention.
I have one who needs more attention then what Marilyn Monroe received. My first born, She will count everything you do, every move you make just to make sure you are giving her the same amount of what the others have got, and boy oh boy does she ever know that a baby soaks up a lot of that.

-Children need attention to feel worth, when they act out it is level 1 (attention getting) If they don’t get it, it becomes level 2 (Revenge)
“I feel hurt by life so I can strike out at others even you."
And she is a revenge seeker, she will strike out at you with her sassyness reminding you what you have done for everyone but her. I love her to death, but sheesh she is a way to smart and way to organized and she fights back like a champ.... I really have to up my game!

-Children learn a behavior , then keep pecking at it till they get the reward.
Oh my middle child is the queen at pecking, she learned what to do to get the  "Ok fine do what you want" outta us, and she uses it daily. and to no surprise the little 6 month old has already learned, I cry and this woman will pick me up and sing to me play patti cake, peak a boo, why in the world would I entertain myself when I got mamma, why on earth would I just sit with daddy watching tv when I can get her with a few fake tears!

-You can change this with consistency and following through.
Crap! I suck at this, but if you say I can change it, I will change it!

-Say one of the girls hits another, call them over and ask “Do you need some attention today? If you need a hug all you have to do is say so. Just come over and ask me for a hug. You don’t have to hurt your sister, that kind of behavior is not acceptable.
Tried this one, and my kid just looked at me like I was crazy, "I don't need a hug, I need time away from HER!" so I have found that my Extrovert child needs and wants the hug, but my Introvert child needs to be giving a special spot to be alone and I need to keep her sister away for at least 10 min!

-Say it once, it you keep explaining it you are implying that they are stupid, that’s not showing them respect.
this can be hard. I find myself  from time to time repeating what I have said over and over again, and I bet it does make them feel stupid. I find it best to say it once to them when you have their attention, that means tv/game is off and they are making eye contact with you and can repeat it back to you if asked!

Monday:
1. Observe what is happening in your house. What bothers you about your child.
2. Think about change.
3. Take the bulls by the horns.

4. Expect great things to happen.

Answers:
1. In my house it feels like a mad house, with just recently having a new baby in March of this year, I have let a lot of things slide. I have gave in after they follow me around asking and asking and asking like little leaches sucking the patience out of me, patience that has been gone over the summer while having them home full time, a new baby trying to get on a routine, and the everyday stress that comes along with trying to relieve the boredom of small children. 
     I haven not practiced follow through at all. I think I probably did something different every time with them, no wonder they are running around like kids from Lord of the Flies, I have left them with no routine discipline and they have taken to their own rules!

2. Hmmmm thinking sure is fun, I like this question. I think change is going to be awesome, I think we need to stick to our guns and follow through with what we said. Just his am I told my middle child she was not watching tv or computer time today for neglecting to remember not only to leave her indoor shoes at school but then to also remember to bring them back today, only to find half way to school she had on flip flops and the shoes that were left at school yesterday were her rubber boots. that is going to make gym class interesting! So the change I plan to do is to say "No" ( or like Barbra Coloroso, say Yes you may watch TV tomorrow, but not today ) I will choose to stick it out and make sure she learns a lesson. I am always bailing her out when it comes to her forgetfulness!

3. Oh the bull is taken by the horns, I am going to stick like glue I tell you, stick like glue!

4. Ok this takes confidence, I AM going to expect good things, I expect having the kids in my fairy tale beginning. One can dream right, and why not dream BIG!

               ........................To be continued tonight...................

     Monday is one tough cookie I tell you. I DID IT! I stuck to my guns and followed through on the No tv, and boy oh boy did I want to run the other way for a little bit there, First she got sassy and told me that if she was not able to use electronics then she was going to be unable to eat dinner seeing as they were cooked with electronics and of course this was after she saw what we were eating, Then we had crying for a straight hour and a half! after that she was able to calm down, and had a whole new look at me, she finally knows now that I mean business, the rules are back in place! It felt good to finally win again, and I can see a lot more of it in the future. It can be tough to be a parent, it can be tough to stick it out, it can be tough to listen to them cry and not want to help them, but you are helping them by being constant.  I still gave her hugs, I still talked to her, took her for a walk and read her the chapter in her book. I just did not let her watch TV. At first she thought she could not handle it, but she did it no problem and even mentioned at the end of the night how it went by fast, and she knows she will remember her stuff from now on! Now I guess its goodnight and on to tomorrow!

                 "A Mother Knows Best... A Doctor rules things out"


     We have all heard this saying before, and chances are that some of us are Mothers and have experienced before knowing that something was wrong and it turned out right! But what happens when your instinct takes you down a pathway that was not expected?

     This is what happened to my family. We were so happy and blessed to be welcoming a baby boy into our family of 4, we have 2 girls already Allison & Elizabeth, aged 6 & 7. Well when Lucas came along and at only 3 weeks old, he come down with a fever, and that sent us down a long and scary pathway, and 72 hours of hospital stay. If you have a newborn under 3 months or expecting a baby, please take the time to read this blog. I do tend to write a lot so I will try and keep our story brief. 

    Our story started like most do while they are on a new baby adventure. we were sitting at 39 weeks and 3 cm and wanting to meet out new little guy. Thank the good lord he finally came 1 day before his due date, 2 1/2 hours of hard contraction, and 9 min of pushing we gave birth to our handsome Lucas, weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz. There is no words to describe how amazing the feeling is of seeing your baby for the first time, but it was something like being on a cloud in heaven.

     36 hours later, we were visited by the Pediatrician to go over the pre admit to finally send us on our way home to the excited big sisters. She talked about S.I.D.S and how best to prevent it, she talked about jaundice and how best to watch for it, she talked about breastfeeding and how to best offer it. the last thing she said is " Oh and make visitors wash up when they come in, especially if they have a job that handles money"

     Coming home was great, we did have lots of visits, but we hardly asked everyone to wash in like it was a hospital. We had a very calm boy so we went out for groceries once a week, went to church every Sunday, visited our playgroups, went out to the mall to finish Easter shopping and then came Easter were we visited my Moms and my husbands Dads, and a neighboring  town for a Easter egg hunt with thousands of visitors  This might have been too much too soon. 

      It was a Monday like any normal day, Lucas had turned 3 weeks that Saturday, and he spent the day like normal with his napping and snacking and playing. Then after his afternoon stretch of napping he woke up just screaming, not normal for my lil Lucas. this continued for the rest of night, he spent 10 min sleeping 3 min screaming. We then spent he rest of night tag team sleeping and looking after Lucas. We figured at first it was gas, seeing as there was no fever present, but as the night wore on and still no relief for our poor lil guy we just know something was up. So we called our Dr in the morning and made an appointment for later that day, but still no fever! still no relief from pain for lil Lucas.

     At around 10:30 finally we saw the first hint of a fever, it came in at 37.4, and I started thinking hmmmm this really seems like an ear infection. Lucas wanted to be held up on your shoulder and he didn't want to feed on one side. Off to the Dr we went. Our awesome neighbor, who also happens to be our Nurse took his temp again and now we were sitting at 37.9, and she agreed there was something going on to provoke his sad painful cries. Doctor came in the room and said. "Well Mom what do you think it is?" I said I thought it was ear infection, he relpied "Oh we will have a look but it is very rare in a child this young" then he started his examination checked his ear, said it was a little red so I figured I was right. Then that is when he checked his heart rate, and I know something was really wrong. His poor little heart was racing up to 167. There is no words to describe how horrible the feeling is not knowing what is wrong with your baby.

     Then things got really scary, he said he did not know what was wrong with Lucas to cause the heart rate and the fever, and that he wanted me to go down right away to see a pediatrician. This is when your heart as a Mother literally stops, all the worst things in the world come rushing into your head. I got Lucas cloths back on and prepared myself to go out into the waiting room and tell his Dad. 

     The car ride was about 45 min, but it was the longest 45 min of my life, I believe I cried the whole way there. when we arrived at 2 pm and they already know we were coming, they took my info and rushed us right into the ER. There is were we met our Dr. and he too asked " what do you think it is" well by this time he had a bit of crust around his one ear I thought was in question, so I showed him and said, ear infection. He too replied "Oh thats really rare in a baby this young." but  he checked his ear anyways and said yes there was a drop of fluid in his little tiny ear canal but it could just be a tear. The nurses and student paramedics went to work hooking up all the wires that were needed to monitor him and the Dr went on explaining all what was going to be done to our baby boy. He informed us that they needed to find the source of infection and that meant a nose swab, urine sample, blood sample and spinal fluid sample. Nothing can prepare you for what comes next.

     The nose swab was easy, just a little swab of his nose and we are done. the urine sample a little harder, they need to insert a catheter to catch a clean sample, which a student Dr wanted to try and ended up in the nurse doing it, it wasn't so bad he actually fell asleep while this all went on. then came the blood test. they need one drawn from the vein and one tube bleed out from the heal prick. Well the first lady could not find a vein and only poked him 2 times before calling in another. The vein sample was just a prick and rather fast and easy, but the heal prick was not so fun, it took about 4 min to fill a vile of blood and he screamed the whole time. then came the spinal tap, this is when they asked us to leave the room and go wait in the quiet room. Which is not quiet at all, I could still hear my baby screaming from all the way down the hall and over top of the loud and busy ER. Then came the worst news, we are going to be keeping him here for 48-72 hours, and we still don't know what is wrong.

      The Dr. then went into explaining what all could be causing this infection and why they need to do all these tests. It was brain infection, kidney infection, bacterial infection, or viral infection. WOW what a list. Then came the worst part of it all, the inserting of the IV so they could start antibiotics. The student paramedics thought they would give this a try, well all I can say is 2 tries in each hand and in each foot later,and collapsing some veins,  I actually started passing out while holding him, they thought it would help it to breastfeed while trying to find the vein. Dad actually felt like punching them in the face, of course he knew they were trying their best, but not easy for a Dad to watch. They ended up calling in the neuro ladies to give his head veins a try, they too had to poke him 2 times before getting it in. By this time it was 7pm and I felt like I was going to puke or pass out, and actually broke down in uncontrollable crying.

     Then came the waiting to get into your room for our 72 hour hospital stay. It was only an hour but I still had not been able to stop crying, due to the fact that this was time I then had to call our family members to explain to them what was going on. 8 pm came and we were walked down to the children's wing of the hospital to meet our Nurse and get comfy in our room. 

     Good news was there waiting for us when we arrived, the Nurse informed us that the spinal tap come back clear and their was no brain infection. This was like winning the lottery. Yes they still did not know what was wrong with him, but at least it wasn't the worst thing that could of been wrong. then she explained it was going to take 48 hours for the urine, blood and nose swab to come back and in this time they would just treat him with antibiotics and we would play the waiting game.

     The next few days were good, we met lost of wonderful Nurses and volunteers who really made you feel like everything was going to be ok, because regardless what was wrong you were in the right place to make the wrong back to a right again. They were really focused on making it comfortable for both Lucas and for my Husband and I. Answering every question, and watching him while I showered or did a dinner run, or just sitting with me talking about life. Just anything it keep my mind off the waiting game. On the second day the Dr came in to check on him, and with him he brought his tool to check his ear, and said that the fluid had dried up but was yellowish in colour and that left him to question it seeing as it should of been white salty looking if it was in fact a tear. Then said it was going to be another day, the test still were not ready and he wanted to keep an eye on that ear.

     As I sat there for the rest of the day I prayed please just be his ear, please just be his ear. We already know we were not suffering like our little 1 1/2 month neighbor, she was in for 21 days of antibiotics with meningitis which is a brain infection. We were still waiting to find out if it was some kind of bacterial infection, like the little boy of 2 months down the hall who was now in for 14 days of antibiotics. We were still waiting to find out from the nose swab if it was one of 7 viral infection that are in season right now like the little girl of almost 2 months around the corner from us had, and was on 7 days of antibiotics. This we learned is usually the cause that they see in newborns with a fever, just a virus. You see it was shocking to find out that 50% of who they see come through those doors of the children's wing is newborns waiting to find out what their test say about what is causing them to have a fever.We also heard from several Nurses and the Dr that they wish more talk was giving to parents after they had their babies on making sure everyone that touches your baby has been sick in last 24 hours and that they do wash up first. That yes go out but try to limit your outing to places that are not really busy like the grocery store, at least for the first 3 months. We all assume that because our babies have our antibodies that this is enough to help them fight off anything that they come in contact with. This just is not the truth, it helps but not with eveything.

     The next day rolled around and we got an early morning visit from our Dr. he came with the news that all his test were clear the nose, the urine the blood, that nothing was wrong with him, did another check of the ear and saw still more yellowish crust. So after all that we went through he explained that yes this poor little man was suffering from a ear infection this whole time, but that it was very necessary  to do the test to rule everything else out. And also that it is really hard to see in his tiny ears, and very rare to have a ear infection this early. We were very happy that it was something so treatable, and that we were then able to take out his IV and go home were we could just give him oral antibiotics. Believe me its not always a happy ending like that for most parents that walk through those doors,we had a 72 hour experience, a lot of others are there for 48 to find out whats wrong then another 7 - 21 days after they find out.

     I wish that somebody would of better informed me about how many 3 month old and younger babies end up in the hospital with an infection due to being exposed to too many places and too many people, so I figured I would give someone else a glimpse into what we experienced in hopes that they will make sure everyone washes in like hospital. I wish I looked over paraniod to my friends asking them to do this rather then go through what we did. or that someone stays home a little more not exposing their babies to that sneezing old man standing 6 feet away from your baby sending all his viral infection droplets right into the air you baby is breathing in the grocery store. I write this not to scare you just to warn you in hopes that you can better understand how to prevent a scary hospital stay in your new babies future.

    So I said this would be brief, but for those of you who know me this is rather brief. I could of wrote more. Just keep in mind, wash up, wash up, wash up, limit your outings, and if you baby does come down with a fever say yes to the tests even if you think you know whats wrong, because the Dr in the hospital  know just as best as Moms do, and no matter what the infection is they can make your child back to normal and on his way home :)

   

       

A Dog is never, just a Dog!

" He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader.  He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

        There are many different types of Dog lovers out there, were as every dog out there is a human lover. Even if they have had a life of not yet understanding love back from a human, that dog will always trust again and show that love and devotion to its human. It is all in how you raise your dog, just like how you raise your children. You will get from him what you put into him.

          I find it interesting how they are many types of dog owners out there. From someone who dines at the table with their little pooch to someone who relies on their great dog to stand guard of the farm. What ever you wish from your dog, your dog will deliver. It doesn't matter wither you are blessed with a dog from a pup or blessed with a second chance dog, no other animal will bring home the devotion better than a dog.

             This is why even if you raise and rely on your dog to bring different duties as part of your family, we all can agree on one thing, the bond that is there between that family and that dog. I have a big family and extended family, and almost everyone in my family has dogs. They all have different kinds and view those dogs in different ways. Some are very open with the bond they share with their dogs, others are very closed off at the bond that is there, don't get me wrong its still there, they just don't let anyone in on the secret that they could love and animal as much as they do.

           The point I am trying to get at is this, everyone who has taken the proper time and put it into there dog, has the same very special bond with their dog, this is because a dog always responds to you faithfully  lovingly, protectively  and with better devotion sometimes than even your spouse can give. Believe me I have many time were my dog has listened to me more than my husband has :)

           This is were are part comes in, we are called to be our dogs whole life, their love, their leader. Even if that means difficult times with your dog. I can remember the puppy stage, how many of us give up and say there is nothing I can do to train this dog, then give in and ship them out. I know I could of given up many time, but I know what its like to have people give up on you and its not a great feeling so I stuck it out. I truly believe that is the best decision I made. Out of that I gained not a dog, but a true member of our family, believe me, meet her and you will see how a dog truly can believe they are a child and not a dog.

             

              For anyone who know our Jazzy, they know this, she is hyper, she is in your face, and she loves to meet you at the door, wither it be to bite the glass and make you think you should not enter unless you want to die, or if you come in and find she really just wants at you to sniff, lick and meet you. But the funny thing is if you know my children you know they are hyper and in your face and love to run to the door and tell you all about their life before your boots even come off. That is just a sign how our dog thinks she is just like my kids. And lets not forget how she jumps in the car and sits in the car seat waiting for someone to buckle her in, or how she stares at the doors of the school wondering when its going to be her first day.

            

              This part of the story is for those of you who have yet to admit the impact your dog could have on your life. I know your type you see a dog as just your dog, there to do whatever it is you have trained them to do, while believing that dog have no real hold on your life. I pity you and challenge you to understand your dog to the next level. I do this because you never know what is going to happen, It could be your last week with that dog, and you truly will not understand the hold that dog had on you until he is gone. I would rather know that I gave and got from my dog everything in the time I got to share with them.

           Our Jazzy has taken a turn for the worse, and only at 5 years of age, were we sit today is not knowing if we will have to take special care of her for the remainder of her life, and lose her as part of our family by the end of the week. We have been told by her vet she is suffering from Kidney disease. It can go either way, she might be able to control it with special diet and medicine, or she might just keep going downhill until they it takes her from us. Even though it is usually found in older dogs, some dogs are just born with things like this and it takes them early on. This is why I say, enjoy your dog today, love them today, be there for them today, because they will be there for you in a heart beat.

          For our family we are not focusing on what way Jazzy's fate will take her, be it a week or a few more years we have with her. This time we share with her now is how we always have, we will still walk with her, we will still play with her, we will still snuggle with her, we will still give her treats for no reason at all, and still love her until her last beat. We as a family are comfortable knowing that we have given her a life of happiness, a life were she felt she had a family to love, to protect and be a part of, even if her time is short she spent her days knowing she belongs somewhere. I know people in life who still haven't discovered this yet. But I am confident my Jazzy has.

           I ask two things of my family and friends, One is to please remember to put our family in your prayers, we would give anything to have Jazzy come out of this for us to love for a few more years. Second, please take the time now with your dog, you never know when their last heart beat will beat, but you do know they will be with you till that happens, so take the time to be with them too.